Nigerian women : It's okay to be selfish

To Nigerian women out there wherever you may be reading this i say to you it's okay for you to be selfish . It's about time you put yourself first for once , now if you already do this then this message is not for you and although i say Nigerian women you can swap it out and insert your name if what i will discuss applies to you .

          I am sick of Nigerian society asking women to sacrifice their well-being and sanity for their children and their husbands . Nigerian women are expected to be martyrs however in the the case of Nigeria the woman doesn't even get the recognition they deserve for their sacrifice . The mental institutions in Nigeria are filled with depressed women and drug users there over man troubles. Society time and time again asks women to lay down their lives for the good of the family yet never asks what it is a woman wants . The Nigerian women is expected to place a man and her children before her well being which i am saying today is wrong .
      Loving your home ,culture , religion and tradition shouldn't come at the expense of your happiness , you should be happy to be a woman. Putting yourself first as a Nigerian women doesn't mean you don't love your man or children it just means you have an order of priority i give you an example. Typical expectation of how men and women should place their priorities

society , religion , tradition ,culture , Himself , children , wife
society , religion , tradition ,culture , Husband , children , herself

How fair is this list , the order may vary from person to person but usually for women she is expected to place herself last as that is the Nigerian way . How can we expect women to carry all the weight in the society without regard for her opinion. You may be saying well if Nigerian men are so bad why marry or why would she put herself through this well i tell you it's lack of better options .It is common knowledge in Nigerian homes that must women stay married for their children , they don't want the children to suffer if they leave.The second reason why women stay are finances or lack therein of one more reasons why women stay include

  • Religion
  • Culture
  • Traditions
  • Society

The way the Nigerian society was designed men hold all the power but of recent changing . A man owns the child in Nigeria that is he has legal rights over children born to him ,this is a very deliberate law as it allows men keep women hostage in their own homes . As i said before a lot of women would gladly leave their marriage but for fear of the unknown and what will happen to their kids they stay . Nigerian men also use the fact that women are financially inferior to keep to them captive essentially what we call financial abuse .
           A typical Nigerian belief is that a women's only worth is being able to reproduce so her worth is tied to her children . It is also very common for society to say because a woman does not contribute financially she is useless and a burden to the man . This of course stems from the fact that women are rushed to marry a financially secure man instead of being encouraging to have their own funds before getting married the reasons for this are very clear to keep the woman in chains.
         Now what has got Nigerian women talking is the fact that on top of the gender roles given to women they now expect women to provide financially in the home which in Nigeria has traditionally been a male roles aka his gender role . You may say what's the big deal a woman should contribute financially and yes you have a point my point is if women are now expected to carry all the weight in the home what then is the role of the Nigerian man in the home and society . What i mean to say is if Nigeria women are being asked not only to cook , clean , pray , feed , clothe and care for her children and husband what is expected on a man . It would seem as time goes on the Nigerian man is expected to do less in society .

My message

Nigerian women you have to ask yourself what do you want for your life , what are your goals , your dreams . It's okay for you to put yourself first that's the sensible thing to do . I am not asking you not to love your children or a man am simply saying you don't have to kill yourself to do it . Loving a man and your kids should not mean you can't love yourself. I know it's hard but if you are in a position where you can't leave the home for whatever reason i advice you to get busy. Start thinking of how to make the best of the situation , start saving , invest in yourself , start a business join a collective if need be to raise funds just stop feeling sorry for yourself . Get busy and get your money .

These are the opinions of the author and should be treated as such . My intention is never to offend but to get us talking .

Stay tuned for my next post addressing Nigerian men on what they are getting wrong


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